Take Me to Your Leader

My company just brought on a new executive, the third we’ve had in this particular role in the last year alone. The new guy has the gleaming spit shine of a well-heeled software lifer: teeth that make audible ca ching sounds when flashed (he’s always smiling), perfectly maintained hair that is neither pleasing nor offensive, and a country-club wardrobe that surely must be the envy of every 50+ male suburbanite in the Southeast.

He is the kind of guy who cocks his head slightly to the side when you are speaking to him, seemingly hanging on every word you say. Occasionally he’ll look upward while you are talking to him, as though your words about iPhone SDKs have inspired him to ponder life’s deeper questions, which apparently take only seconds to answer, and he begins nodding and chuckling knowingly. Then he says something like “this reminds me of the time when...” or, “I once knew a man who...” He understands you, in other words - your motivations, your challenges, your goals. He is here to help you, Skywalker. You can trust him to show you the way.

While he rarely says anything insightful, he never says anything dumb, and always speaks flawlessly. He is slow, plodding, and methodically articulate with speech patterns devoid of any vocal crutches or audible bridges. There is an aura about him that is neither affected nor innate. It is the type of aura that silences a room full of people without base intimidation. I continually find myself not unhappy to simply be quiet, only to be dumbfounded by the phenomenon after the fact.

He is blisteringly calm and unaffected by anything - good, bad or ugly.

I am not like this.